Oh ok, thanks for your advice so far lots of things for me to check. I went in with SQL mgmt studio and:
set the admin.authorizedJIDs values to AD samaccountname@fqdn of host server
set xmpp.domain to fqdn of host server
This is in my security.xml
<name>database.defaultProvider.username</name>
<name>database.defaultProvider.password</name>
<name>admin.authorizedJIDs</name>
<name>ldap.adminDN</name>
<name>ldap.adminPassword</name>
Also I've added the lines in bold to my openfire.xml and it's still not letting me in!